Eye Cwitt ©

So Long Santa Clarita...Hello San Clemente.

Thats right guys, as of Thursday of this week I went ahead and resigned from my current job. I have a greater opportunity down in Orange County and it just made sense since Becky and I would eventually like to live there.

I have about another week or so living up here and then I will be headquartered in lovely Lake Forest.

The Lord is Good.

Vaya Con Dios.

Ebay Woes ©

Ebay is a glorious thing. You can find almost anything on the bay.

Hugsy Penguin - 30 results
Spider-man comic - 1 Gazillion results
Razr Cell Phone - 2 Gazillion results

In that sense ebay is man's answer to supply and demand. If it's too expensive to buy it from the store, or hard to find, I just go typety type type and bada bing it's mine.

perfect.

except for that you are dealing with the unknown abyss of Sellers from who knows where.

This is today's bedtime story.

So I buy alot of stuff from ebay, phones, books, comics, jerseys, etc. I purchased a 25 year old comic on around 8/2. It had not arrived until today 8/21...20 days later. This would normally be okay if the Seller would keep me abreast of the situation. Instead, we have lies, deceit, and a cover up known as ebay-gate.

He tells me it shipped immediately and it must be the Post Office, and believe me, the USPS is a whole nother bunch of numbskulls. (disclaimer: if you are a postal worker and my friend, please erase the last sentence from your memory.) so I say okay. Turns out, he didn't even send it until 4 days ago, 8/16. so he's had my hard earned, case of the "mundaze" cash in his pocket for 2 weeks with no shippy on his side.

I had been emailing him about 4 times to give me a tracking number or something. The whole time he lied to me saying it shipped way back when.

Then it arrives. dude. I surprised someone didn't look at the package and it just fall to pieces. It wasn't even a package. It was random shards of cardboard shuffled together with some packing tape to mummify the thing. my address was made out of a piece of paper ripped into a triangle and taped to the cardboard as part of the mummification. no return address.

So I leave neutral feedback after all this. because in the end the product did get here.

what do I get in return. a fat Negative feedback for not emailing him more.

what in the world....

MORAL: Kids, save your money.

The G-Men ©

sigh....This blog's for the faithful in the Bay Area.

I swear, the Giants are like the child that never listens and always gets in to trouble. You know, like Ralphy when he shoots his eye out with the red bee bee gun.

Giants, listen up, FIX YOUR PROBLEMS.

for the love people.

Just a recap, if you didn't get a chance to see what happened tonight. The Giants gave up 10 runs in 1 and 1/3 innings, the first 1 and 1/3. Frankly I'm embarrased.

questions to ponder:

Why doesn't Sabean get a clue and realize that our pitching is a hot bag of poop?

Why did the trades we made before the deadline do us absolutely no good?

Why is Barry completely deflated after getting off the Moo Juice? ( I guess I answered my own ?)

and most importantly...

WHY DID WE LET J.T. SNOW GO?

What's weird is that I have no real allegiance with the Giants, but when they get shamed like they did today, @ home no less, I feel clothed in failure. Failure of a team that should be regarded as a major player in the MLB, what with their city, their fans, their stadium, their history...and yet, we are fine with just being a middle of the pack kind of franchise.

I call out you, Felipe Alou and Brian Sabean. You have about 6 weeks left in the season, let's get out there and beat some blue.

This is what you are looking like Giants...

Beautimous Bubinga ©

I haven't owned a guitar in about a year now. I really need one though. Do I miss jamming out in my room? Windmill Pete Townsend strums? Flipping the axe around ZZ Top style ala BTTF 3?

The answer to these question is a resounding si'.

Secondly, I am poor. I probably qualify for foodstamps and government assistance on my salary to debt ratio. That being said, I need a fiddle that will be legitimately made, and not cause me to sell a kidney to acquire it.

I give you the answer to my problem...



If you are wondering what kind of wood that is, it's Bubinga. oh Bubinga, how you woo me with your glorious knots and waves.

Let me just say that normally a guitar with this type of exotic wood is upwards of a G. This however is a smooth $299.

just in case you wanted to get me something. ;)

The Freedom Five ©

I have two minutes to write this blog. This is basically a sequal to last nights revelations about "Phunday."

So at exactly 5:00pm PST, a glorious moment occurs. What, pray tell, am I referring to?

The Freedom Five.

This is the five hours you have per weekday to do as you please. Basically my weekdays begin at 7:00am and the rest of the day is a countdown ticker to the FF. I know the name kind of sounds like a mutant task force, but it's not.

I think I am going to come up with a logo for the five. Maybe like a clock where the hands are ties and the number five has like a party hat on it. You know like when you turn 30 and to make people feel better they make the number look all happy with a kazoo, cone hat and streamers. Maybe the five should have like arms and legs and a face. Maybe it should look like "Peanut Butter Jelly Time Banana." Yeah all pixelated and nasty looking because we are white collar lower middle class kind of guys.

Hum.....

Phundays ©

Why in the world do weekends go so fast. During the week It's like I could read a freaking Tolstoy novel while I'm at the office and only 30 minutes go bye.

Dudes, let us ammend the Constitution, Declaration, State Laws, NATO, whatever we have to in order to make weekends 3 days long.

I am so all over 3 days of weekend-dom. Let's be honest, Friday rolls around, yeah you have Friday night, but with traffic, and getting off at 5-6pm I mean you are kind of limited lest you be one of those swingers types that goes to bed at 6 in the morning.

This makes Friday kind of a wash.

Saturday. This is the only true day of rest...sort of. The big question is, "Do I sleep in, or no?" If I sleep in Saturday's gone. If I wake up early, I get more Saturday, but no luxury of sleeping in. I do have to run a million errands that didn't get done this week...Decision, decisions.

Sundays. Gotta get up early for church and then don't get home till about 1-2pm after lunch and what not. This is definately not a bad thing, but it does cut in to the day heavily. Then everybody and their mother goes to the "Triple Threat" - Target, Walmart, Costco. Which allows you to fight for parking, wait in line, and buy cleaning supplies.

All this brings us to the now, as I write this blog. wouldn't be great to have that extra day to actually truly relax. It would be like, Fri, Sat, Sun, Phunday. Spelled with a "ph" because "F" would be to obvious.

Anybody want to petition with me? Man Sunday nights are lame...sigh.

My Other Job ©

If you don't know already, I am a big fan of comic books. Most people think they are lame (everyone's entitled to their own opinion...even if they are wrong.) but I just love the artwork and the stories are written by top notch talent.

That being said, whenever I have some free time at night, like Fridays when Becky is baby sitting, I take the opportunity to do some sketches and dream of a drawing for a living when I grow up.

I figured I'd share with you some of my recent work from my sketch book and see what you think. (disclaimer - most of the work is composite, which means I looked at real artists work, and tweaked it a little to my liking. They aren't traces, and sometimes the flash washes out the artwork...enjoy :))

My Bizarro ©

So I was told by a friend yesterday that I look like this guy. It is often said that everyone in life has a Bizarro. You know a person who looks exactly like you, only not. This guy's name is "Rory Cochrane" and apparently was on CSI for awhile. He was also in the movie "Empire Records."

Yeah well, I will let you be the judge.


Please pardon the writing, I have no idea where this pic came from, I just found it on google and linked to it for your amusement.

I, for one, think his face is a little chub school in comparison. I mean he has jowels people....jowels.

Brick ©

The Pin, Tug, The Brain, Heels, Taking a Powder, Dode, Birds.

All elements of a true throwback to classic film noir. Films today lack elements of interaction. There just aren't any Sam Spades or Joe Gillis' in American cinema today. Until now that is.

I offer for your approval a film. A film that in my honest opinion might be the best film I have seen all year. I mean sure, there are the Superman Returns, the Pirates of the C, and even the animated automobiles, but this is a film that aspires to tell a great detective story. A genre that hasn't been done well since Memento.

Our main character goes only by the moniker "Brendan." He lives in the underground world of high school drug cartels and a heirarchy of users and abusers. He has found his way out, until "She" forced him back in.

This film has everything, a femme fatale, an sly sleuth, double crosses, blurred lines, and ultimately, "...the stuf that dreams are made of." It is the Maltese Falcon set in the unseen world of high school popularity and the quest for power.

9/10 stars for this film



"I've got knives in my eyes, I'm going home sick."

Cart Monkeys ©

This is an old post from my previous blog, however, I did experience cart monkeydom just yesterday, which reminded of it. You can dock some points for posting the same blog twice, I'll take the hit.

Consider this blog belated. The events about to unfold actually occured yesterday, circa lunch time in my local Walmart parking lot. Yes, this blog is a rant. And yes, it could be potentially ranting on you, pending you act as one of the said monkeys in the title.

I know I have posted many a rant on this technological memoir we call the E-Wedgie, but none have the sheer magnitude of pet peevedness as the following.

Pet Peeve Numero Uno:
CHUMPZILLAS WHO FAIL TO RETURN THEIR SHOPPING CART TO THE CART CORRAL.

I cannot tell you how much I hate it when I find a spot and begin to whip the old gas gusseling Passat in there only to find that some cart monkey left his shopping cart right in that spot. What lazy buffoon can't do everyone the courtesy to put the cart in the corral spot like 10 yards away? So I'm stuck in this spot halfway now and have to decide whether to quickly get out and move the cart or reverse and try to find another spot this side of China in the Walmart parking lot on a Saturday in the suburbs (highly unfavorable position). I'll admit it I can get a little heated when it comes to driving. Then finding that I have to deal with someone's laziness on top of it well that just completes the value meal, if you catch my drift.

Then there's always the other side of cart monkeydom. This is when I come back from making a well designated purchase from said Walmart and come to find some chumpzilla left his cart in front of my parked car, making the probablity of it rolling and hitting my car that much more favorable. One time I actually found one kissed against my bumper. Let's just say I was losing testimony by the second.

My first question, "How?" How could someone be as lazy and uncourtesous to his fellow man as not to return the cart to the cart corral?

My second question, "Who?" Who was it that left their cart there and how can I get their address as to leave shopping carts on their front lawn?

My last question "What?" What the heck?

If you are the cart monkey, beware. I am on to you. I know how you roll. I got connections. One faithful day I will catch you dropping carts like it was nothing and you will then be entering into a world of pain.

New Blog ©

Hello blogging faithful,

I welcome all new readers to this forum of wits and rants, as well as all my old friends from the "E-Wedgie."

I have come to the conclusion that my blog has reached a point of magnitude that required it to have it's own website. Hence, the page you are reading. I have also changed my publication title to "Between The Lines." The reason for this was because I am migrating more to a "blogs that make you think" kind of feel, rather than my old "blogs that are outrageously and uncontrollably funny" feel. Will their be uncontrollable hilarity, yes, will there still be posts with randomized pictures of people gone wrong, of course. I just wanted a title that spawns thinking, and questioning.

That being said, I encourage you to read "between the lines," during your moments at work when the boss isn't around, or late at night when you have nothing to do, or even before you have your morning cup of glorious caffinated brew. Anyway you slice it, we here at BTL consider you, the reader, in the highest regard.

Checkout my website @ www.beckylovesjoe.com

Or read all my old entries at the "E-Wedgie" @ http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=18122249


Until the next bit a late breaking news,

Joe
Editor in Chief